Sorry Not Sorry: 7 Things Women Can Stop Apologizing For
Written by Rachel Shin
On my way to flip the laundry, I recently bumped into our new neighbor. After kind introductions, I muttered, “Sorry about my outfit,” gesturing to my messy hair and rando clothing, “Laundry day.” She wasn’t phased, but later on as I poured the detergent and counted quarters, I wondered why I said sorry at all.
We’re growing towards awareness in communication and choosing to say what we (actually) mean, and sometimes that includes “sorry” and sometimes it doesn’t.
I’m sure we can all relate—not just to laundry day outfits but over-apologizing. To be clear, saying “sorry” for a meaningful reason is beneficial to both parties and we don’t have to stop apologizing altogether. We’re growing towards awareness in communication and choosing to say what we (actually) mean, and sometimes that includes “sorry” and sometimes it doesn’t. So, let’s start with the seven things we can stop apologizing for…
Living our Best Life
Living life to the fullest isn’t all about “treat yo’ self,” although that’s part of it. It’s also about enjoying the freedom of doing what we like. Cliff diving, splurging once in a while, exotic travel, jumping in public fountains, fine dining. Carpe diem!
Inhabiting Space
Sometimes just getting to work is like death by a thousand, “Sorry, excuse me”-s. Sitting, standing, and existing in general does not warrant an apology. Using common courtesy and polite awareness in our daily interactions is really enough.
Making a Request
Asking for a raise and asking for a gluten-free option are not the same thing, but sometimes we apologize for both as if they’re equal. It’s okay to be selective as long as we’re not expecting to be catered to 24/7. So, ask for the raise, the GF pizza, or dressing on the side, go wild.
Sharing Feelings with Others
I love deep convos, but sometimes they can come with a “vulnerability hangover” or fear of over-sharing. However, if your BFF, coworker, or casual pal asks how you’re doing, share! Use discretion by all means, but embrace those moments to connect.
Differing in Opinions
When we find ourselves in disagreement with another’s ideals or values, it can be tricky to navigate. However, whether different opinions lead to conversation or conflict, it’s okay to disagree without people pleasing – or apologizing. If the stakes are so high in a conversation that we’re not allowed to disagree, it may be time to draw some new healthy boundaries.
Being Overwhelmed
We all have a different capacity for what we can handle in any given season of life. We all need grace. Be honest about your needs, say yes to what you can, and take it one day at a time.
Living with Conviction
I recently spoke with a friend about a sensitive issue that we have different takes on. Even in our disagreement, her strong convictions really moved me. It takes grit to live with conviction in our culture, to stand up for what we believe is right.
Most of the time, we can do without the extra apology. However sometimes, it’s necessary. Here’s a few examples of when a “sorry” is warranted:
- When we have grieved or hurt another person.
- When we have compromised our integrity.
- When we have overstepped our bounds.
It can be challenging to weed out such a habitual phrase like, “I’m sorry,” from our daily conversations when unwarranted. There are many articles floating around on the web, just like this one, telling women it’s okay to stop over-apologizing. I suppose it’s because we haven’t stopped.
But, I’m not sorry for writing another if it encourages us to live a little bolder, to say what we mean and mean what we say.
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