I Did What I Needed to Heal
Written by Novia Reid
“Deconstruction” has become a buzz-word in the Christian community in recent years. While deconstruction isn’t a new philosophical concept and it’s neither good nor bad, it’s important that we don’t conflate deconstruction with enlightenment. The form of deconstruction happening in Christianity seems one of shedding certain beliefs in hopes of understanding our faith and the Church. I’ll save the theological deep dives for pastors like John Mark Comer who shared an incredible teaching on this subject, but deconstruction isn’t something we should be afraid to address when we’re in fellowship.
Let’s consider Jesus’ parable in the Gospel of Luke when Jesus told his followers about the wise builder who builds his home on a firm foundation (6:46-48). We know Christ calls us to be like the wise builder so that what we build can withstand any storm. My hope is to share what I’ve gathered about deconstruction and to encourage those walking through it to hold on to Jesus, the Perfecter of our faith and our Foundation in every season.
Of all the things I learned from my healing journey, one salient lesson was that I had to do what my soul needed to heal and move forward, irrespective of what others expected of me or believed I should do.
The Business
When I met David, he was an independent business owner for a global company that offered beauty, nutrition, and household products. Not long after we met, David invited me to a team meeting, and before I knew it, I was selling the products and inviting others to join the business. We made a great team, and I had success with sales. Truth be told, if David hadn’t passed, I would probably still be involved in the business today. But I recognized that being an independent owner was his passion, not mine, and while he supported me as an author and speaker, his dream was becoming mine.
Soon after I understood the business was not my joy or purpose, I left with grace. Leaving felt good and right to my soul and was one of the most liberating things I have done for myself. Sometimes, we don’t realize that we can become so absorbed into something or someone that we believe it’s joy and love when it can solely be seeking acceptance.
The Ring
Sometime after I left the business, another decision weighed on me: whether I should keep the ring. David and I chose my engagement and wedding band, and he held onto them, waiting for the right time. I spoke to my friend, who, after over 15 years of friendship, has become my sister, about the battle I faced. I questioned if selling the ring meant I no longer treasured David. I wondered what his family and friends would say if they learned I sold it. Coretta offered me her view, but essentially she empowered me to do what was best for me. I decided to sell the ring. I didn’t receive a lot of money for it. But that wasn’t the purpose of selling it. I sold the ring because holding onto it didn’t serve me. I sold it for myself because I needed to so I could move on.
The Burning
Now, the burning. My best friend had recently experienced divorce, and I was still healing from David’s loss. So, we chose a Saturday night to gather in my backyard to burn the things we no longer wanted from our relationships. We laughed. We drank some wine. We reflected, and then we gathered around the fire, held hands, and prayed. That night was symbolic, but it was also a tangible healing act. We let go of the material things that we no longer needed and wanted, things that no longer served the healing we pursued. We let them go, and in the end, we were happier. We did not suddenly forget the memories we shared or become healed from the pain we experienced. What we achieved that night was inner peace and sovereignty.
Of all the things I learned from my healing journey, one salient lesson was that I had to do what my soul needed to heal and move forward, irrespective of what others expected of me or believed I should do. I learned to trust myself, to trust that I knew what I needed. The other lesson was that sometimes we may be surprised that what we fear others won’t understand, they will. Now, as I write this article where I share three of the most private things I did to heal, I can see another layer of freedom. The freedom to heal and live in a manner that’s true to your values and soul’s needs is what I pray and hope for you.
Related Articles
Spiritual Rhythms from Ancient Contemplatives Worth Trying
I was 22 years old when I first heard the phrase “spiritual rhythms” or “spiritual practices.” I was over halfway through my Biblical Studies degree in college and went on a Spiritual Formation Retreat (also a new concept for me) when I was introduced to the world of...
Why Deconstruction Without Reconstruction is Harmful
“Deconstruction” has become a buzz-word in the Christian community in recent years. While deconstruction isn’t a new philosophical concept and it’s neither good nor bad, it’s important that we don’t conflate deconstruction with enlightenment. The form of...
5 Myths About Joy (and Happiness)
In my wildest dreams, I never thought my life as a New Yorker would be as hard as it has been over the past year and a half. Ever since I stepped foot on the sparking pavement in Times Square in June of 2001, the Lord has planted a beautiful, vast love for this city...
